I’m a total yoga beginner, and I’m in wayyy over my head with the whole yoga teacher training thing. But for now, I’m totally going with it and learning through the process. I’m not here to DO yoga; I’m here to simply PRACTICE yoga. And in doing so, learn about me, my body, my spirit, my heart, and the universe that I encompass and embody. I have nearly 6 years of “recovery” under my belt, and so many more to learn through. I’m trying to take this new journey as simply being part of my own personal journey, because well, it is. Although, I must say, I’m rather terrified of the fact that I’m actually supposed to TEACH yoga. Uhm, can I even practice yoga without losing breath? Okay okay, talking myself back into positivity… clear negativity and toxic thoughts, be okay with where I am…
In studying for yoga, I’ve been reading a lot of new books and articles. It’s awesome and I already feel so much more enlightened. I feel open to a whole new world—err, universe. And I barely know anything at this point! It’s exciting how the universe keeps giving us more and more to soak up, absorb, and experience through. Love it!
So, back to my point then… I’ve been reading a lot about energy/chakras and our own power to heal. I really do believe in a lot of that, actually. My current job has great focus in Western medicine, and though I am thankful for Western medicine and I do think it has its place, I also think that we rely far too heavily on our Western medicine practices. And the truth is, when you don’t want a pill to quickly solve a problem, but you want to actually figure WHAT the problem is in the first place, well, it’s hard to find a doctor to guide you through that process. Trust me on this one—I’ve been searching for years, and continue to search. (Natural medicine can be of great use.) But also, through yoga, I am learning that I don’t always need to find someone else to help me learn through my healing process, but that I can listen to the internal sounds, waves, discomfort, and peace within myself. I can guide my body through its journey to health and wellness. Again, if an emergent situation were to arrive, I (and I hope you) would seek medical attention. But for the process that I am currently in, I am learning to breathe through my discomfort and heal with my insides. This belief system is also a major reason why I went into the field of nutrition and dietetics. I believe (for the most part) in healing the body with the natural power of the universe–including the food that it has produced.
I am also working towards making great strides in my own body acceptance. When I used to practice yoga, I struggled with being present in the moment and in my own skin. Truthfully, I didn’t want to feel my body any more than I already had to on a daily basis. Why be present in my body, I thought. Hell, if I can be present outside my body, I’d be a lot happier. But since coming back to yoga and sticking with it, I am learning to let go of some of my own expectations. I notice that there are people who are smaller and those that are bigger than me. I have a swimmer’s body, and I’ve always struggled with accepting that. I have broad shoulders that are square and take up space. I always wanted to be smaller…take up less space. But I realize, when I look around, that we all take up different amounts of space, and isn’t it glorious that we are given this chance on Earth to breathe into the space we have? Look at the world around you–the Earth, the galaxy, the universe and beyond. We all take up very little space when you look at the bigger picture. The smaller I wanted to be, the smaller my spirit shrank. And eventually, that once bright, perky, giddy, free flowing, dancing, child-like, hippy, happy spirit shrank so small that it nearly died altogether. I don’t mean that in a physical sense—so no matter what size or shape your body is or has ever been, I think you can relate to this. I mean it in a total spiritual sense. My soul was caged and my spirit was small, sad, and lifeless.
Certainly, I still go through dark periods. I know that those times will always come and go. But the more I continue to grow and learn through yoga, with yoga, through my discomfort, and with my own body in whatever shape it decides to take, I learn see my spirit grow larger, brighter and back into that hippy, happy burst of light—and bigger than it ever was before.
That’s the real goal with yoga. Not to see your muscles grow or your waist to shrink, and not even to see your flexibility become greater. The real goal is to see your mind open, your heart explode with love, your emotions become more settled, and your spirit to grow brighter than it’s ever been. I have faith in myself and in you. As I continue down my own journey of health, wellness, and personal growth, I send you all lots of love and hugs. Om shanti shanti shanti <3
Happy living, breathing, being, my beautiful friends xox